Motherhood changes you.
Not in the way people warn you about —
not in the “your life is over, say goodbye to your dreams” kind of way.

But in the “your life is about to deepen in ways you aren’t prepared for… but will be grateful for every day” kind of way.

And as I sit here preparing to return to Nicaragua with my daughter — a dream I didn’t even know was inside me nine years ago — I’m realizing just how full-circle this chapter truly is.

Nine years ago, I came to NICA as a different woman.

A wild-eyed, deeply grief-stricken, determined almost-thirty-year-old.
Barefoot.
Sunburned.
Raw.
Rebuilding myself one yoga class, one ocean SUP tour, one sunrise at a time.

I was making $20 a day.
Teaching yoga, personal training, hosting ocean adventures, sometimes crying on the walk home and then laughing at how beautifully messy life was.

But I was also… alive.
More alive than I had ever been.

Because for the first time, I understood what true happiness actually felt like in my body.
Not the temporary kind.
Not the “check the boxes and pretend” kind.
But the kind that drops you into your soul.

And I remember thinking:

“I want to do it all here. The retreats, the trainings, the jungle life, the wild-and-free barefoot spiritual awakening… I want all of it.”

I didn’t know how.
I didn’t know when.
I didn’t know if the universe would meet me halfway.

But I stayed.
I trusted.
I learned how to rebuild myself from the ground up, with the jungle as my mirror and the ocean as my teacher.

And now… I’m returning with my daughter.

Just typing that makes my eyes well up.

Coming back almost a decade later, with Bella strapped to my chest, living the exact reality I once dreamed about?
It’s surreal.
It’s emotional.
It’s beyond anything that younger version of me could’ve predicted.

It’s the embodiment of:
“This… or something better.”

Because this life —
this moment —
this return —
is the “something better” I never knew was waiting for me.

Motherhood didn’t limit me — it expanded me.

When Bella arrived, I thought maybe I’d have to slow down.
Maybe I’d have to choose.
Maybe the chapter of international retreats and teacher trainings would pause until she was older.

But instead, motherhood sharpened me.
Softened me.
Strengthened me.
Realigned me.
Deepened me.
Rooted me.
Prepared me to lead from a place I didn’t even know existed.

I’m not just hosting retreats.
I’m hosting them with my daughter in the jungle.
I’m teaching sound healing with her strapped to me in a carrier.
I’m breastfeeding between lectures, dialing into presence, and trusting my intuition more than ever.

I’m not doing less.
I’m doing it differently.
More embodied.
More intuitive.
More anchored.

Every training I lead with Bella shows me what’s possible for women.

She co-regulates the room just by being in it.
She softens people.
She deepens the work.
She reminds every woman in the space that they don’t have to choose between their dreams and their family.

We get to be both.
We get to expand.
We get to evolve.
We get to lead.
We get to raise our babies inside our purpose — not outside of it.

And I want Bella to grow up knowing that.
Seeing that.
Feeling that in her bones.

Returning to NICA with her is healing parts of me I didn’t know were still tender.

Because NICA is where I first learned how to trust myself again.
Where I learned how to surrender.
Where I learned how to live fully, wildly, honestly.
Where I learned how to create a life that actually felt like mine.

Walking back into that version of myself — but with my daughter now in my arms — feels like a reunion between who I was and who I’ve become.

It feels like my past and my present finally shaking hands.

It feels like a blessing whispered across time.

Teaching in the jungle as a mother hits different.

When you’re walking barefoot into a shala with a baby on your chest…

When you’re guiding people through sound healing experiences while someone naps against your heart…

When you’re leading an entire room through regulation and breath while silently regulating your own nervous system at the same time…

You teach from truth.
From embodiment.
From lived experience — not theory.

You become a different kind of leader.
A different kind of teacher.
A different kind of woman.

And that’s what motherhood has done for me.
It didn’t take anything away.
It gave me more.
More depth, more purpose, more clarity, more connection.

This life I’m living now? It’s the dream I whispered into the jungle nine years ago.

And as I go back to Nicaragua with Bella — to teach, to host, to plan something huge for March 2026, to reconnect with my NICA family, to revisit the land that shaped me — I can feel my life expanding again.

Another season beginning.
Another version of me emerging.
Another reminder that we never fully lose the woman we were —
she just evolves.

Into something fuller.
Richer.
Deeper.
More aligned.

This or something better.
Always.

If you're a part of the TEW community & want to experience the magic of this country, join us for the FIRST EVER TEW REUNION RETREAT in Nicaragua March 8-14, 2026. Hosted at the ocean front wellness + surf resort Mark n Daves, it will be a week of celebration, pure bliss + relaxation, & deep gratitude for the community we've built over the last 9 years!

JOIN US HERE! 

(save up to $250 OFF when you PIF - ends 12/31)